Highly relatable and topical post coming at you now my friends.
Okay, so I love university. Learning and researching, reading and writing, the marvellous people I get to meet and know, it’s all wonderful. Really, I’d recommend that anyone wanting to go should. Yet, right now, nearing the end of the semester and academic year, things are getting intense. Major essays are now due and despite the fact that I’m not behind on anything, I am panicking.
Here is my problem: I prematurely panic. I don’t procrastinate work all that often, I’ll start well before any due date and plough my way through coursework and reading at a sustained pace. Despite this, despite the fact that you’d think this would be an awesome asset in the world of academia, I am unable to rationally conclude that I am doing all I can to the best of my ability. I am consumed by some dumb, unfounded idea that I am always behind, that I could always be doing more, that it’s never enough, that I’m never enough.
Even as I make decent personal progress, even as I improve or tick off those due dates, I am unable to feel a complete sense of pride or accomplishment.
I love the process of learning, researching and simply acquiring knowledge. I really do. If I am to continue past undergrad, I probably need to get a hold on this. Sure, my grades aren’t suffering and productivity is certainly ideal. Yet, I honestly believe that I cannot continue to put myself through this ridiculous, insular process.