Oyster

“I drink too much tea,” she said while making herself a mug. She lived in contradictions, she smiled in the face of irony and always added three heaped sugars.

“Stop, ” I said. ” You’ll become an instant diabetic.”

“I’m sure that’s not how it works.” She replied, the corner of her mouth inching upwards to create that dimple on her left cheek I loved. Continue reading Oyster

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Doubt

It eats at the back of your mind, making those loud chewing noises I detest so much. 

Today I decided that I’m going to be braver. Not in the sense that I’m going to go skydiving, or rock climbing or learn parkour. I mean braver in that deep philosophical sense. I’m going to be myself, pure, unedited. I will embrace the fact that I am the human equivalent of a rushed draft that someone pulled together at the last minute, fuelled by caffeine and desperation. Continue reading Doubt

Morning 18/7/17

This morning, the sight of a blank page was promising.

Ideas came freely, open, into my brain and out of my pen seamlessly. I think I’m better at writing in the morning. More likely, I’m just less awake and therefore incapable of feeling any pressure to be good. A usually overactive mind at this stage has only a few concerns; keep eyes open, yawn, get coffee, write. Continue reading Morning 18/7/17

11:00pm

Tonight I am left with feelings of profound emptiness that would make a good poem if I had the willpower.

You are the main act tonight. I’m devoted to our situation. I’m undertaking a critical analysis of everything we’ve said to each other over the past five months. Easy enough. Meaningful conversation fails me when you’re around. I usually opt for meager nodding or lame pleasantries if I’m feeling brave.

I rarely do.  Continue reading 11:00pm

Inadequacy

I sat in a dingy cafe yesterday and ordered the world’s worst coffee. I didn’t want to go anywhere trendy, or hip, or whatever word we’re using right now to describe “cool”. I didn’t want or deserve cool.

I deserved linoleum flooring, chewing gum stuck to the underside of the table, fluorescent lighting that buzzes incessantly and coffee that tastes more like commercial grade cleaning agent.

That’s what I got.

Inadequacy is an odd feeling. It’s difficult to place. It’s like jealousy’s weaker cousin that’s been sent to do the dirty work.

God does my laundry pile up.